PA?

I am not cut out to be a peanut allergy mom. I'm not even sure if this is what is to blame for today.

I went to Target this morning. The only place I went to, and I had Matthew sitting in the cart the whole time. This is what we do every time we go at least at one point....contain him in the cart until we either leave or he gets out to look at toys.

So I notice that he has small red bumps on his face today. Hmmm. I keep an eye on him all day, and the bumps are spreading a little bit but not too bad.

Then as soon as I brought Megan and Trevor home from school, Matthew's little eyes are swollen shut and he is rubbing them telling me that he can't see! Crap, why does this stuff always seem to happen when mike is out of town? I gave him Benedryl, had the epi pen near me in case he stopped breathing, and put him in the shower to cool him off. I sat there with the pen in one hand and the phone in the other just in case I needed to call 911.

He fell asleep immediately after I dried him off. I imagine the antihystimine from the Benedryl and the natural ones from his body trying to fight off the allergy are what made him fall asleep. Of course, you call the doctor and they say, "Well, if you are concerned then you should take him to the e.r." That is never helpful.

So, the good news is, he has been breathing just fine. Actually he is out on the couch snoring up a storm. So his lungs are fine.

But now I'm worried. What triggered this today? I try so hard to be careful and keep him away from any peanut things. We wash his hands all the time, carry wipes that he uses after we go in stores, everything.

I'm wondering if the cart might have had a kid in it that ate peanut butter and had some on his hands? Maybe peanut butter cups touched the cart? What?

This is what freaks me out about sending Matthew out into the world someday. It is sad enough to quiz him and say, "If somebody offers you a cookie, what do you say?"

"Does it have peanuts because peanuts make me die." I hate hearing that with his little tiny voice.

But, it is something we have to do. I am paranoid everytime he goes to Primary at church. What if there is a sub? What if they don't remember? Or a babysitter? What if they don't go through the surgical cleansing process I do if they had a peanut butter cup before coming to my house? Ugh. We are in for a ride that is for sure.

On top of that, the poor guy has been suffering from asthma the past week. It is pretty early in the season to be starting this. The breathing machine has already become a fixture in the family room.

Sometimes this little guy seems so fragile. A simple cold can send him into a week of full blown asthma. So then I start getting paranoid about even taking him out of the house to make sure he doesn't get a cold.

I was actually talking to my mom earlier this week and told her that I was thinking one night as I was sitting with him while he was getting a breathing treatment....that 50 years ago, without this machine in my house, he probably wouldn't have made it. Technology is an awesome thing, and I am so lucky to have one of these things in my house.

I just wish it wasn't necessary.

Sorry about the rant, but I am just kind of venting and counting my blessings at the same time today.