OK, so why am I the one freaking out? Is this normal?? Sorry, it's a long one.

Have I looked forward to this day with the anticipation that a lot of moms wait years for?

Not really.

Am I dreading it?

Not really.

Is it possible to not know how you feel about something that doesn’t seem like a big event, but someday you’ll look back on it as if it was?!?!?

You know how you remember so many things about when your children are babies, and people older than you always tell you how quickly it goes by and to hang on to every memory that you have while they are young because before you know it, it will be just that?. A memory?

While you are living it, you can’t imagine that much time going by. You almost hope for the next milestone because you think it will make it easier because you are so worn out and exhausted from having a newborn, or a two year old. Or BOTH.

Plus you just can’t help but get excited when somebody learns to crawl, walk or start kindergarten. You almost wish time away wanting the next big step.

It was hard to imagine at the time of changing diapers, Blue’s Clues, highchairs and sippy cups that it would come to an end.

It honestly has come to an end for awhile here, since my youngest is now 4, almost 5. I guess I never really thought about it because he was still home with me.

Now tomorrow I’m going to be sending all three back to school.

That’s where I’m feeling numb about this. I mean, I enjoyed the baby years, the toddler years, and being the mom of little kids. I tried to hang on to every moment. No wonder I like scrapbooking, huh? I would document a nice moment of everybody playing with a toy together right up there with a birthday. The everyday things are really the things that I want to remember.

So I think that is why I’m having a hard time realizing that tonight is the closing of a chapter. I’m not the mom of little tiny ones anymore. A new chapter is starting, and I am almost terrified of it!! I think because I know how quickly those first 8 years of always having company with me on a trip to the store, or at home went. It scares me to think of how fast the next 8 years might go by!

I’m not even sure of what I’m afraid of. I’m excited about seeing my kids grow and the new things we get to do together since they are all getting bigger and more independent. I mean I finally made it out of the terrible twos, which went into the terrible threes and still hung around long enough to say we had a little bit of the terrible fours! - I made it! I can almost hear Barry Manilow singing Looks Like We Made It!

We’re ALL tall enough to go on rides together at amusement parks, and everybody is big enough to order their own food when we go out to eat. It’s nice. And I LOVE that all of my kids can get themselves in the car and buckled up on their own.

So tell me, why am I feeling like this tonight?? I think I’m just as nervous as those kids who keep sneaking out of their beds, way past bedtime because they can’t sleep!

Ack! It will be interesting to see how we are all doing this time tomorrow night!